So it came.
I cried for an hour, overwhelmed with relief that my battle was won.
I did it. I got the thin envelope.
Four years until I have to do it all over again.
In those moments I felt utterly invincible, like I had, for once, achieved great things. The reality is that I simply had to fight for something I was entitled to in the first place, and that means that the fight for me, is far from over.
The journey I have been on these last few weeks has been extremely stressful. I have seen the best and worst of myself, and others in that time. As a family, we nearly fell apart the worry was so much. Im one of the lucky ones. I had gumption. I had support. I had the mental capacity to fight.
I received over 500 separate messages of support regarding my case, many sharing their own stories, as varied as we are as people. A couple really stuck with me, particularly ones from the carers of the disabled, who fight in a whole different way to me.
They are also losing the person they love.
I’ve guided two Begnine brain tumour cases where so far they have 0 points in the bank, despite profound difficulties with care and comprehension. I have had a few MS, rheumatoid arthiritus and fibromyalgia cases, and a smattering of other rarer conditions. Mostly, I can be of very little practical help other than to listen and understand.
The power of somebody who listens, is quite underestimated.
To listen, is to care.
I wonder if this is where we are going wrong in politics? When I look historically at Britain and all the wonderful, great things we have achieved, these are often born of tough times but truly demonstrate our kindness, compassion and tenacity.
People uniting, for the common good, rebuilding their nation for their children. Fighting for fairness, whether that be in a vote for both genders and for all classes, or the building of a healthcare system to care for all, no matter who they were outside those walls.
Make no mistake, we live in a time of Great War. On a global scale, ‘the west’ are fighting a minority who object to our perpetual forward thinking. In Europe we fight for our own identity, and economic agenda. In our own ‘United’ Kingdom we fight with each other over pretty much everything.
We have become accustomed to, well, fighting.
I wonder how far it will get us, when the history books of the future record our own epoch?
I by no means profess to have all the answers, as ever I try to work out what the ruddy hell Is going on in the context of me, and the rest of the world. I am currently pondering two things.
Firstly that as with Henry VIII and the English civil wars, making defined separations of power between state, monarchy and church, we need to now separate state and business, the new religion of many modern Brits. The reason for this is because of realisation number two, we need to recapture that uniting, fighting, compassionate spirt we had postwar, to save ourselves. To rule with an agenda of personal gain, instead of to represent the people changes all outcomes.
I harp on about this kindness/compassion thing so much, as I guenuinely believe it is the key to our own history, the one we are writing now. We have lost our connection to each other somehow, and float through life in many cases as insulated islands, protecting our own little pocket as we are so afraid of everything.
It is so easy to judge from behind a keyboard.
If politics were seperated from business then surely the agenda of the common person would be more likely to be reflected in the decisions of parliament? I realise it’s not that simple, that power, money, media, industry are all so intrinsically linked, it would take major reform that no one in parliament would vote through or allow.
It would help me though.
It would help you.
It would even help many of those who felt safe before Wednesday’s budget, who naively felt they were protected.
Instead of tax breaks and unprosecuted avoidance for friends in powerful places, and personal financial gains, the masses would be prioritised.There is enough money, if it’s collected fairly. We are a rich country.
MP s should be serving their county because they are passionate, not for personal financial gain. They get fair pay, free transport, lodgings, meals and other financial benefits. How many other jobs give you that? It should be enough. It’s pretty bloody ironic that they have decided the poorest must tighten their belts without doing the same themselves.
Real change happens slowly, I have accepted that fact. I don’t expect to profoundly alter anything by writing this. I am just a dreamer, trapped in a semi functioning body, reaching out to others fighting their own personal battles.
If I can get one person thinking before they shout ‘get a fucking job’ at someone like me fighting for good, despite having a pretty shitty time of it personally, then that’s a huge bonus. If more people care about people like me, then more people will fight to protect the ‘mes’ of Britain, if more people fight, more people hear, which makes more people care, then even more people fight, and eventually we have a tiny glimmer of hope that we will see real change in our lifetimes.
I will continue to fight on behalf of those less fortunate than me, along with thousands of other like minded people.
Hey I am even fighting for those that feel that they are better than me.
I guenuinely don’t mind.
Put me a box that makes me not your problem, vilify me in the daily mail, judge me, hate me, wish me dead and sterile so I am not a drain on your society. I will still be here fighting my own personal battles. I will still be making my voice heard. I will still be a good, passionate, kind person.
I can live with myself.