I’m sat here broken and sobbing.
I just had one of the most humiliating experiences a person can have, and the worst part?
It won’t be the last time.
It’s a sunny Tuesday afternoon. I’ve just had my hair done for the first time in a year; my boyfriend arrives tomorrow and we are off on holiday with the family at the weekend. I’m smiling, and excited as I park my van near my daughters school, ready to collect my children. In the playground Mums and Nans tell me how great it is to see me, and how good I’m looking after a week or so off the radar, poorly. It’s quite lovely, and their kindness and words mean the world to me, when I have been feeling so low.
I collect my youngest two, and meander back to the car, noticing a traffic cone on the pavement blocking my drivers door. That’s weird I think, while struggling to lift and strap my three year old into her car seat on the road side. I become vaguely aware that a woman is ranting to her daughter”… Fucking unbelievable. Who does she think she is?” I continue trying to coerce my monkey into her straps (I can’t physically do it without her cooperation) …”there’s fuck all wrong with her, people are so fucking lazy. what the hell is she doing parking outside my house, and could she get any fucking closer to my car!”
Shit. She is talking about me.
I look up and she’s standing 5 feet away from me, glaring at me with such venom, while continuing to rant to her obviously uncomfortable 20 year old daughter, who is strapping her own toddler into a pushchair.
My recently potty trained daughter then, with impeccable timing, decides to have her first accident “oh no mummy wee is coming out”. I continue to ignore the irate woman, now mortified and bright red, and release my daughter from her belt and pop her by my van wheel to sort her out. “Now her fucking kid is gonna piss on my car, unbelievable!!”
My daughter doesn’t continue to wee, as she now notices the woman and becomes totally embarrassed. I tell the woman “she’s potty training”, clean her up and strap her back in. I then walk back slowly around to the driver door, remove the cone blocking it, that I now realise was put there by the woman, and try to get in.
“You’d better not reverse into my bloody car!”
My van is a foot away. I am an excellent driver and manoeuvre my van with great skill. In twenty years driving I’m yet to dink anyone, or anything.
“I have to drive an automatic, it won’t roll back” I mumble, now fighting back the tears, trying to retain some shred of dignity as I drive off (without hitting her car).
I get around the corner, pull over and burst into tears.
A million things I should of said flood my mind. Why didn’t I explain that I need to park there, and point to the parking pass, and blue badge on my dash board? Why did I just stand there and take that abuse in front of my children, when I should have stood up for myself? Why didn’t I say anything, literally anything to defend myself?
In that moment I felt shamed, frustrated, humiliated, and like I am still fighting a battle I can never win.
I don’t look sick.
I don’t look disabled.
I am a fraud.
I have had people challenge me for parking in blue badge spaces before, but never with such venom. The irony is that anyone could have parked where I did on the street. It was a safe, legal, free space. It’s only due to congestion that people are asked not to park on the street unless they need to, by the school. There is no law being broken and no safety being risked, by any single road tax paying driver parking in the space I chose to park in.
People need to see the profound impact that such ignorance has on the individual. It’s beyond hurtful and humiliating to have some one shouting at you that you are lazy and fake, when actually every god damn day of your life is a battle. I experience pain and limitations that most people thankfully will not in their lifetime. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
It is fucking shit.
I have to fight for every god dam thing.
To live. For money. For my sanity. To stay strong. To be the best mama can be. To get up. To do the god damn dishes.
The fact that I choose to fight with a smile on my face, and joy in my soul, should be something to be celebrated, not something I should be publically shamed for.
So this one is for all the ignorant idiots out there. Shame on you. This is how you make a person feel when you make judgments of them without having a clue about their life:
I hope that face becomes etched in your mind, so the next time you loudly proclaim someone doesn’t look ill or sick or disabled, without having any idea of their private battles, you stop yourself. Instead smile, and continue going about your business, as I am mine.
This is me fighting back.
I am not ashamed.
And if this post exposing me at my most vulnerable, protects someone like me in the future?
Then love conquers hate.
Hope beats fear.
Kindness and compassion wins.
You've gotta have Gumption.... 
I have found your story via a friend who posted it on Facebook. I would like to reach out to you and emphasise with your battle against people of this nature. Choose what you want to be involved in and never give in. In other words, choose your battles and never give up. People like you have the tenacity and grit to hold people accountable, many do not (as proven by this women.)
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Reblogged this on Mark Catlin's Blog.
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Reblogged this on disabledsingleparent.
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Tweeted @melissacade68
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Yep, pretty much get this every time I park in a disabled parking g spot, even though my blue (once orange as I’ve had them for over 21 years now) badge is clearly displayed.
It’s sickening that people still believe the generic disabled person can only be disabled if they’re 1) wheel chair bound, 2) Of an older age.
Maybe the parking bays, signs, and portrayal of what a disabled person may be should be brought up to represent us in the21st Century!!
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I’m in a wheelchair and still get abuse until they actually see my wheels. Being in a chair doesn’t fit with pools ideals either!!!!
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It’s odd isn’t it, one thing I’ve come across when using a wheelchair is you don’t suffer pain as if you using a wheelchair you can’t walk so no feeling in your legs etc. It’s so far removed from the truth but so many just can’t understand disabilities visible or invisible, the rhetoric used in the media by politicians has set back education on disability years 😦
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I struggle too walk after I had a fall 16 yes ago broke my arm had too have two bone grafts taken from both hips , so with my bad hip is the same side as my broken arm unable too use walking stick, had my high rate pip took off me so now unable too get bus pass as not enough points really need one off those frames with wheels .ppl look at me and think nothing wrong but in constant pain, but I know at least two ppl have every benefit going and nothing wrong ,I have spent days in mine in tears ppl don’t unstand , I hardly go out now unless I have too cause its too much hastle glad my kids are grown up you are not alone some people really don’t care and are selfish x
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I have dealt with Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome /Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy since 1999. I have become very adept at hiding my disease and most people, including acquaintances have no idea about my illnesses. This syndrome involves many different issues from debilitating, excruciating burning pain, to inabilty to perceive temperatures normally, to sleep disorders. Every aspect of my life changed after developing this condition. I have had more than 100 procedures done in 15 years to help alleviate the severe pain and hopefully prevent the spread of this little known disease and suffered respiratory arrest during one and a severe spinal fluid leak after another. Because there is no outward change to my appearance, most people would never imagine the struggles of dealing with chronic pain.
My siblings have never seen me during a severe episode and my own sister has doubted the existence of my illness. I’ve had a handicapped parking placard to use (and only used it when having outpatient procedures,) but stopped using it because of the backlash from strangers. It became easier to struggle and not explain my condition to others. Luckily, the severity of my disease has been significantly less the past few years but there’s no cure and it can spread throughout the body at any time.
I wouldn’t wish this condition on anyone but often wish people would think before speaking out and criticizing others. There are so many invisible illnesses that the public aren’t aware of.
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I have the same condition and some others not as bad. I’m 37 now and have had it since I was 29. I get horrible looks when I need handicap facilities/parking/shopping buggies, and I have learned to fake looking normal with people for short periods of time and go home and crash. My family doesn’t fully understand. My boyfriend is the closest person to sort of get it. No one can genuinely appreciate the intricacies of the disease or of carefully pretending to smile through such pain unless they felt it. I wish you all the best!
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I would never wish something like this on you (or anyone) but given that it happened, you took undeserved crap from a petty individual and turned it into a meaningful post that has had a positive influence on thousands of people. That’s called integrity; that’s called character. And you have it in spades. Congratulations and thanks for sharing.
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that is awful, the language out of the woman deserves no explanation as to why this lady needs to park where she does, she did the right thing not rising to her filthy mouth, all she was doing was goading her, and hoping for an argument well done not rising to this bully and her equally horrible daughter.
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I have the same situations with my daughter, she gets dirty looks when sat in the ‘special seat’ on the bus, unbeknown to the small minded idiots who ask her to move, she has epilepsy and needs to be seated for her own safety, I tell her to stay seated! The same happened when she had a seizure on the tube, no-one gave up their seat so she had to stay sat on the filthy floor! Shame on them.
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Reblogged this on The World of The Teigr Princess and commented:
This makes me soo pissed off… mostly because I can completely sympathise with the blogger.
My partner has a spinal problem that is getting worse the longer that the NHS take to deal with it.
He can’t walk very far and the further he walks, the more likely he is to have to spend the rest of the day in agony, so we park as close as possible to where we are going… and we’re considering getting a Blue Badge as well.
But he still gets the looks and the mutters when he’s having a particularly good day and can move without too much pain…
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I have trouble walking after a fall resulting in a cracked spine and nerve damage to my legs. I have the same treatment. Difference is I’ve had enough and will knock someone out! Even tho I’ll probably fall down in the attempt. I’m sick of ignorance and nastiness.
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My daughter has fibromialga, and like yourself to .look at her would say what this woman said.
To walk in your shoes for a day with your worst pain, then and only then wil the ignorance stop.
I feel for my daughter, and she’s the bravest person I know, and the best mother ever, love her with all my heart, she has one of the biggest.
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That woman is obviously a very unhappy woman, nobody who is happy in life would be cruel like that. So we need to feel sorry for her too as she may very well be very ill too, who knows. So sorry that you had this horrible experience but don’t dwell on it, thankfully there are millions of kind understanding people,although it doesn’t always feel that way
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I acknowledge your point of view but I cannot agree with it as if the woman who made the comment was ill too then compassion rather than abuse should be her behaviour towards her fellow human being in my humble opinion. Yes she could have been having a bad day but don’t we all, and I sure as anything don’t act like that to others when I am.
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Oh, and it’s easy to say don’t dwell on it but when someone is that personally abusive and aggressive towards someone who everyday is living with what we have to live with it can be the straw that breaks the camels back as it were.
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It’s also important to say that this woman was breaking the law! Do we excuse child abuse & rape because the rapist was “having a bad time”? For Christ’s sake! I don’t care about whether she was having a bad day! She said what she did because she was prejudiced not because she was upset about something else. If there is any consolation, this horrible woman’s daughter was feeling embarassed about her mother’s behaviour.
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Reblogged this on Understanding Alice and commented:
Nobody, NOBODY should be put through this…
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That’s just so horrible you were put through that. Nobody deserves such treatment. Thanks for being brave enough to post this x
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With people like this, my personal mantra is “in order for people to hurt you, you first have to value their opinion “.
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I’m so sorry for the way you’ve got treated, but what a brave and beautiful soul you are to be able to write something like this after such a horrible experience. All the love to you.
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dont be sad hun , not everyone is like this , lots of people judge what they dont understand , bullies that dont care about anyone else other than themselfs, well done for not fighting back your battle will be won , and has won now alredy by you posting awarness, keep strong , we all face challenages be it physicle , mently, or spirtule challenge, we will conquor and redeem.xxx
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What a cruel woman, you did not deserve this. Apart from anything else she’s just incredibly ignorant and badly brought up. If you want to discuss anything with someone, you can do it civilly. Just be thankful you only had 5 (admitedly grim) minutes with her. If this is her default mode just think what the daughter must have gone through. If it was me I might write her a letter. When my mum started to get her MS, was still walking and found it hard to negotiate the pavements, I suggested she carry a stick. If you do people are really good and give you space. I appreciate that this may not be suitable for you especially if you are pushing your daughter in a pushchair. I have some stamina issues myself, happily they have improved, so I know a little of what this is like. Unfortunately the current climate of “scroungers” crap and vile TV programmes villifying percieved groups is making this sort of thing worse. People like Francesca Martinez show it up now and again on TV but there’s not enough exposure to conteract the misconceptions. It must be what 1930s Germany was like with a drip drip drip of anti-semitism. Please try to remember that many many people are decent and kind!! UK always give a lot to charity. Sorry for the ramble & rant, I hope you have a simply great holiday if you are ever in North Devon I will buy you a Hockings Ice Cream! Mxx
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An older gentleman stood behind me and shook his head, huffing…I looked at my car confused… I thought maybe he thought it was too pretty to park there, or maybe I was just too cute to be handicapped. It was a very strange feeling, but I didn’t say anything, but I think next time I will
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A big part of this problem is the fact that perfectly able bodied people all too often do take restricted parks & the community frowns upon this, and rightly so. If someone was ranting at a person who had no right to park there none of us would have a problem with it. Might have been a better idea to explain to this woman that not all disabilities are easy to see & that you did in fact have the right to park here instead of expecting her to know.
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i get such abuse when i park in disabled parking and jump out the car smiling and happy…. it is not until they see me put my son in his wheelchair they actually turn and shuffle away.
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Disability doesn’t have to be visual to count. This country needs to wake the fuck up and stop being so resentful of those who are unable to work.
Here’s a message to those of you who hate on the disabled:
It wasn’t their choice whether to be disabled or not… However, it’s your choice whether or not to be a fucking moron. Wake up and take your head out of the tabloids and, for once in your miserable life, take a look at the truth.
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I get the same and I am in pain 24 hours a day. I have good skin I get told their is nothing wrong with me I get very fed up with it
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This is harrassment. REPORT IT! The police acted when my Dad was subjected to something similar, the lady was cautioned and he now parks outside her house every day and ther’s naff all she can do about it!! REPORT IT! Don’t say “they won’t do anything” as they will. She’ll get a fright and may indeed continue to be a moron but she has to do it quietly!! Seriously. I’m so sorry, people are getting worse. Much love to you xxxxxx
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I agree, you know where she lives, report her – and post a copy of this and all the replies thru her door! What a vile woman!
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Well done lovely for posting this ❤ xxx
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I also had abuse for using a blue badge. It was for my 2 year old son who had a tracheostomy. He died 5 weeks ago. One thing I’ve learned is that most people- not all – most people are so far stuck up their own arses that they don’t give a flying fuck about anyone other than themselves. I’m thankful that my beautiful son never saw that in people. He was only ever surrounded by love and devotion. Give your beautiful children an extra cuddle tonight, and try not to think about that horrible bitch X continue to do your best and know that there are a small majority of people in the world that would help you given the chance xxxx
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Sorry to learn of your sons death.
No words from me can make what you’re feeling any less painful, but your words here showed you were a truely loving parent. Take care. Xx
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I walk using crutches, am in pain 24/7, and until a few years ago never got so much as a second glance. Now I get frequent comments about being a “Scrounger” and a “Fraud”. Why? Well, as one person so eloquently put it, “If a F***ing Fat B**ch like you lost weight you could stop scrounging and get a F***ing Job”. Funnily enough I actually weighed more before I became disabled, and was once described by my GP as the fittest Fat person he knew, as I walked everywhere, and never sat still for five minutes! In the UK the Government has a lot to answer for, and if there was an “Incitement to Disability Hatred” crime many people would be in jail serving a good long term. I have been known to turn sweetly and say “If I lost weight I’d be thin, how would you become less of a judgemental idiot?”, but I am so disabled and likely to fall that I no longer risk this. Fortunately, My mother always said “Consider the Source” when criticised. When I consider the rude, stupid bigots who criticise me, I know that their words are of no value, or importance, and I am the better person. Remember the words CONSIDER THE SOURCE”. They are unworthy of your distress.
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You don’t deserve this kind of treatment. I’ve had to put up with the same kind of rubbish from morons like her. It’s really hard to deal with when it’s happening, but remember that you come out of it looking better than she does. You held it together, you didn’t lose your temper, you looked after your daughter’s needs, & you drove away from it responsibly. Your daughter will grow up sensitive to your personal difficulties & be a better person for it. Remember that nasty articles like that woman show themselves publicly for what they truly are. Not everyone witnessing you being verbally assaulted will side with the bully doing the damage. If I were you I’d report her to the police & try & find out if there is any CCTV footage of the incident. Don’t let her get away with it!
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Reblogged this on Andrew – My thoughts on the World and commented:
Sign of the times. Society is so angry 8O(
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Firstly, thank you so very very much for all your kind words. I really do appreciate you taking the time to reflect upon my experience and share your, at times, heartbreaking stories.
It really does mean the world to me and others like me, to know that there are an army of kind hearted warriors out there ready to step up and defend us. Anyone that reads this that has experienced similar will no doubt leave feeling incredibly grateful and stronger knowing that For every single small minded idiot, there are hundreds of good, kind, compassionate people, who are stonger, louder and fiercer in their love, than any hatred could be.
So, thank you. From all of us like me. Our voice is stronger together.
Kindness and compassion really did win.
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You did good by yourself and your daughter by not saying anything to her. She didn’t deserve a reaction and honestly, you cannot rationalize with people like that. Anything you would have said would have fallen on deaf ears either way. I’m sorry this happened to you. ❤
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