Monday 4th February, 9 am. I hovered Over a button on my I pad, waiting, thinking-add to cart? This would be the moment of my biggest yes to date. At 14 years old, I was diagnosed with adult onset stills disease, a debilitating rare type of rheumatoid arthritis. I was told it was highly likely… Continue reading The start of something new: Head of the Dart 2019
Damn. Another year, another tough winter. I’m sure I must have been a bear or a hedgehog, or something possibly less tough in a former life. This morning came another day dragging my sore body out of bed, feeling sick, taking meds whilst continuing to do all that’s demanded of me on a daily basis.… Continue reading Is it almost over yet?
I can't even begin to explain the changes and upheavals my little family has gone through in the last few weeks. I planned my family so spectacularly brilliantly, that multiple major life events crashed their way through September one after another, like the worst kind of new rollercoaster built to challenge all your senses at… Continue reading Loving yourself when life gets tough
I have been quiet for a while. As most of you know this tends to be because i am out living life as much as i can, going on adventures and challenging myself. Whilst this is true, on this occasion its also because i have been exhausted. Too exhausted to sit in front of my… Continue reading One foot in front of the other
I've been feeling absolutely pants this week. Worse than I have for a while and it's already been a crappy winter. Then out of the blue I get an email from my editor at themighty.com telling me another editor from babble.com wants to publish one of my articles. Sometimes I think the universe is trying… Continue reading Finding Hope, when all seems lost.
I've been feeling pretty crappy lately. It's winter and the short days of cold, windy rain are taking their toll on my body. I hurt. I'm sad. I'm ready for a break from the relentless pain and monotony of feeling terrible. Of course I don't dare say that out loud. I don't show that part… Continue reading Should I stay or should I go?
The hardest part of dealing with chronic illness has and will always be other people. Stupid right? It's not the pain or the sleepless nights. It's not the constant hospital trips and treatments. It's not the sickness and sadness that the life you thought you had, you have now lost. All of those things are… Continue reading When you look but don’t see
Aside from the constant pain and guilt, living with chronic illness is mostly like swimming through treacle. Or walking with lead boots constantly welded to your feet. It's near on impossible to describe what this kind of fatigue feels like. In fact fatigue is almost too mellow a word, it in no way describes the… Continue reading When ‘fatigue’ isn’t enough to explain how you feel
I'm lonely. I'm going to die too soon. I must write a will. I hope I don't give my children my illness. I'm a terrible mother and a failure. How am I going to get everyone to school tomorrow? I hurt. I wish I didn't hurt. Damn it I forgot to put the washing on.… Continue reading Inside the mind of someone chronically ill at night
I want to start with a string of expletives, but I won't. Summer. That precious time with our children stretching out before us. Sunshine. Slow motion running along the shoreline. Blissful laughter on the breeze..... You would think after seventeen years I would have learnt to be slightly more realistic, but no, I instead found… Continue reading Surviving the summer