Aside from the constant pain and guilt, living with chronic illness is mostly like swimming through treacle. Or walking with lead boots constantly welded to your feet. It's near on impossible to describe what this kind of fatigue feels like. In fact fatigue is almost too mellow a word, it in no way describes the… Continue reading When ‘fatigue’ isn’t enough to explain how you feel
I'm lonely. I'm going to die too soon. I must write a will. I hope I don't give my children my illness. I'm a terrible mother and a failure. How am I going to get everyone to school tomorrow? I hurt. I wish I didn't hurt. Damn it I forgot to put the washing on.… Continue reading Inside the mind of someone chronically ill at night
I want to start with a string of expletives, but I won't. Summer. That precious time with our children stretching out before us. Sunshine. Slow motion running along the shoreline. Blissful laughter on the breeze..... You would think after seventeen years I would have learnt to be slightly more realistic, but no, I instead found… Continue reading Surviving the summer
I've just pulled a double all nighter. Unlike in the late nineties this wasn't all sex, drugs, rock and roll; more snot, baby crack and screaming. You I'm exhausted. In all honesty, exhausted doesn't even begin to cover it. Before my toddler became ill with a run of the mill viral infection, I… Continue reading Hitting the wall
I became single last year. It was both terrifying and liberating. I'd been on my own for long periods before and that alone didn't scare me. There just seemed to be so many mountains to climb; juggling all the kids, my health, both physical and mental. I had no room for anyone else, and who… Continue reading If you fall in love with me…..
I have always been someone who feels empathy; I struggle to hide or control my emotions, and don't generally see this as a negative thing. I wear my heart proudly on my sleeve- if I'm sad you will see it in my eyes, and I've been told my joy is infectious. It baffles me when… Continue reading Love beats hate
I'm sat here broken and sobbing. I just had one of the most humiliating experiences a person can have, and the worst part? It won't be the last time. It's a sunny Tuesday afternoon. I've just had my hair done for the first time in a year; my boyfriend arrives tomorrow and we are off… Continue reading There’s f**k all wrong with her